I'm Sick of Feeling Sick.

So, funny how things work. I had planned on starting the Whole30 eating program. Instead, I gorged myself on candy, cookies, cakes, and basically the least whole foods you could think of.

And wanna know something?

I still feel like garbage. Constantly.

My stomach doesn't necessarily hurt, but it feels gross all the time.  Like I've constantly eaten too much. I have no energy. I'm not losing any more weight (although I haven't gained...thankfully).  My hair is dull, flat, and lifeless.  My nails are breaking off.  Overall, I feel and look like poop. My body is still screaming at me to cut the crap, and what do I do?  I continue to stuff sugar, simple carbs, cokes, bad fats, and everything disgusting into it.  I'm shocked that I haven't gained any weight back, to be honest.  I'm still 32 pounds down.  However, being the first of the month, it's time for another fresh start.

Since I work night shift, I consider my "first" of the month actually the night of the first going into the second.  So, starting now, I'm giving Whole30 a serious go this time.  I'll still keep the general guidelines I wrote about last time.  However, this time, I have experience on my side.  It's very vivid to me right now how just plain bad I feel when I go off the plan.  It disgusts me.

Is this going to be perfect?  I sincerely doubt it.  I mean, Thanksgiving is this month and I will eat a slice of pumpkin pie.  Will I, however, eat 4 bags of Halloween candy, drink 2 liters of pop a day, and stuff my body full of white sugar and hydrogenated fats?  Not this time!  If it's not water or tea, I'm not drinking it daily.  If it wasn't grown or raised on a farm, I'm not eating it.  I'm through with feeling bad about myself.  I'm through with "feeling" fat (because fat's not a feeling but I seem to be feeling it lately!).  I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

This is where my dear readers come in!  I'm about to be that girl.  You all know one.  The person who takes pictures of their food before they eat it.  People like that always used to irritate me.  I didn't understand why they couldn't just pick up a fork and dig in.  I get it now...it's the accountability (well, for me at least).  I'm going to feel SUPER accountable making potentially all of the internet see what I'm eating.  I tried keeping a food journal, but that just felt like a daunting task.  I constantly have my phone with me.  I don't have to worry about carrying around a journal, and making sure I had a pen, or trying to remember everything I ate.  Now, I'm not going to post it all at once.  I'm thinking about doing bi-weekly posts with 3-4 days worth of my meals and snacks.  Please, I am nearly begging you all to keep me accountable with this.  Tell me when I'm eating dumb!  Encourage me when I'm eating well.  Just say hi...trust me, knowing people are actually reading this will make me really want to do this.

Hopefully this goes better this time around.  I need this for myself.

xoxo,

Rachel