Blessed Beyond Depressed

Today I am 122 days in recovery with maybe twelve slips.  I quit counting after five but I'm going to make the official count 12.  That's an average of one purge every 10 days for the past four months whereas before I was in the binge purge hell cycle that was hours turning into days turning into weeks where I would binge and purge every day. To be completely honest, part of what has helped lessen the purging was being put on wellbutrin.  Wellbutrin is an antidepressant that can cause seizures in patients with eating disorders. For the longest time I was terrified to purge at...

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1-800-273-8255

This is the phone number that saved my life. This is the number for the suicide hotline. I made that call on June 29 at 10:11pm.  That call was the beginning of saving my life. The next day I got the number from a coworker for a local psychiatric center. The second call I had made that saved my life. It got that bad. To those who don't see me every day, you may only have an idea of my struggle from what I post online. I've been very open about this struggle because I fully believe that every conversation you have chips away at the stigma of mental illness.  If you were one of the...

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Crankypants

I'm so freaking irritated right now. All I want to do is sleep.  I want to be out like a light and it's ten pm.  That's pretty normal considering I have to get up at five am. This house is anything but normal. Between my psychotic mother and my toddler grandmother, if I get to bed before midnight anymore it's a miracle. I literally want to cry right now.  I'm so freaking exhausted.  But no, the kitchen light is on even though I turned it off, and it's nine million degrees in my room, and in approximately five minutes my grandma is going to start singing that god damn...

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Record the Good Days Too

I have a habit of only taking into account the bad and not cherishing the good when I'm in the middle of an episode.  Today, however, was a really good day.  I act like I have readers but honestly, if you've been reading the past few days I've been a depressed, lunatic, disaster basket case.  I decided last night that I wasn't going to give myself idle time to think myself into an oblivion this weekend.  I put myself on the schedule for work Sunday to help fill the weekend void, but that still left today. I got up this morning and asked my mom if we could get pedicures....

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